2024 gave us our fair share of stinkers. We got terrible films from all different genres with not one coming out unscathed (even if they don't appear on this list) and here are ten I hated.
10. The Crow (Lionsgate) Oh man. I REALLY wanted to like THE CROW. I really did. I thought the trailer made the film look decent but it wasn't. The big thing for me was the complication of the story. The filmmakers took a very basic revenge story and added in these supernatural elements the film didn't need. I am talking about the stuff with the villain and his whispering. I also didn't like the "plot twist" of Eric losing his crow powers because he doubted Shelly. What? The film also doesn't have Eric become the crow until the last twenty minutes. The film is called THE CROW and he doesn't don the costume until the last act of the film. I really wish filmmakers would stop doing this. Why leave the character the people are paying to see till the last act? Doesn't make any sense.
9. What Jennifer Did (Netflix) I don't know if I have ever seen a lazier documentary than WHAT JENNIFER DID. This is a story that I am sure all of the true crime podcasters and YouTube channels have covered as it felt very familiar. The story is very basic and straightforward with no twists or turns. The filmmakers try to make this shit feel fresh but they fail every time. It doesn't help that this story just isn't very interesting. Note to Netflix: Not every true crime story needs a documentary made about it. This one should have been left to the shitty true crime podcasters.
8. Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (Paramount) Much like the above mentioned THE CROW, GHOSTBUSTERS: FROZEN EMPIRE leaves the main attraction (the titular "frozen empitre") to the last act of the film. Sure, it looks cool but by the time it shows up, it's "too little, too late." I had pretty much checked out at this point and rolled my eyes when the beach started to freeze over. Why wasn't this started earlier in the film? Well, it's because the time is used to set up the Ghostbusters as a world-wide brand. They study ghosts and whatnot and I couldn't have cared less. Also, I have grown tired of seeing the original Ghostbusters in their uniforms as if it is a big deal now.
7. Drive-Away Dolls (Focus Features) The cast here is excellent with Margaret Qualley becoming an absolute star right in front of us. Everyone else is amazing as well. That is really the last thing nice I can say about this film. I was kind of surprised to see that Ethan Coen directed the film as it feels much like a Coen Brothers film but without the wit and the expert filmmaking. The entire film feels like something the Ethan Coen found in a drawer in his office and decided to make it to prove he was just as good as his brother when it comes to directing. He is not.
6. Bad Boys: Ride or Die (Sony) This third sequel to the wildly popular BAD BOYS franchise is the first film Will Smith made after assaulting the man who used to be his friend in front of the entire world and it feels like the same old same old. There is nothing new here to latch on to and the filmmaking seems to have gotten worse. There is a scene where Martin Lawrence is on top of a car that is crossing a bride during a shoot out. What happens during this scene? I have no idea because of how poorly it is shot. The jokes also don't land all that much with a few laughs but nothing more than that. There is a cool scene with Lawrence's son-in-law but it comes way too late in the film to make anything out of. The BAD BOYS films are popular but they get worse with each film.
5. Destroy All Neighbors (RLJE Films) Ugh. I wanted to like DESTROY ALL NEIGHBORS but I didn't. It has a neat premise, and Alex Winter is the baddie which is always welcome, but the film is a slog to get through. We have bascially seen this film before in other films and nothing all that interesting happens. They also create some of the worst characters I have seen in a film lately. The entire cast deserves better than this piece of trash.
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4. American Murder: Laci Peterson (Netflix) Ah, Netflix. The company that LOVES making documentaries that overstay their welcome and AMERICAN MURDER is no different. Anyone who watches true crime stuff already knows EVERYTHING about this case this doc presents. There is not one piece of information that is new. It also feels a bit exploitative in some of the stuff they present. This thing is also THREE HOURS LONG and has nothing to say for all of it. There is an awesome doc on Hulu that does the job right. It is longer but it holds your attention the whole time, something this doc tried so desperately to do.
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3. Argylle (Apple Original Films) Now we are down to the bottom three and I had a hard time figuring out which film was worse so the next three films are a tie. Let's start with ARGYLLE. Matthew Vaughn has an obsession with spys, as he made the KINGSMAN trilogy which are much better films than ARGYLLE. Here the first act of the film is kind of interesting but once that is over, the film takes a nosedive into a bunch of bullshit. This includes the secret of who actually is Argylle and the reveal is one of the worst things I have seen in 2024. I love that Vaughn has given a full figured woman a chance to be an action star but it should have happened in a much better film.
2. Joker: Folie a Duex (Warner Brothers) I went into JOKER: FOLIE A DEUX hoping everyone else was wrong. In my mind, there was no way the film could be as bad as people say it was but everyone were right. This thing is one of the worst films I have ever seen in theater. Sure, the film looks great but everything else about is just awful. You can tell that Joaquin Phoenix does not want to be in this as he is on autopilot. The addition of Lady Gaga as Harley Quinn should have a great thing but she feels wasted here. She is a good actress but you wouldn't be able to tell from here. The fact that this cost $200 million and was the reason Clint Eastwood's last film, the very entertaining JUROR #2, was barely released in theaters is a fucking crime. Fuck JOKER: FLOIE A DEUX.
1. Red One (Amazon MGM) RED ONE is one of the most generic action films I have ever seen. It takes all of it's ideas from other films and doesn't really do anything with them. Snowmen in the tropics? Already saw that in the horror/comedy JACK FROST 2: REVENGE OF THE MUTANT KILLER SNOWMAN. Bring in Krampus? Sorry but the ultimate film about him was already done 9 years ago. One of the worst things is that they take J.K. Simmons, who is the best thing about the film, and have him spend the vast majority of the film asleep in a chair. Why would you do that to an Oscar winner? He definitely got paid a lot of money but it still sucks. The entire film plays out like a film a drunken frat thought up. But The Rock got paid so everything is good, I guess.
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